Your mouth is God's brothel.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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