Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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