boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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