Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
