Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
