capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
