so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
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