We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
