My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
