Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
After tacos, we're chasing women.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
