I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
