Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize