hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
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