$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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