Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
You ruined the universe
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
