wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
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