So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Randomize
