Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
