it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
