Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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