we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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