he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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