it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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