John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Randomize
