I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Randomize
