just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
