I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
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