my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
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found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
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i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
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