I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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