How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
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