I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
