not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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