Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Randomize
