You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
