My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I know her cup size but not her name....
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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