If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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