shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
