I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
