I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
