you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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