Christians are straight up FREAKS
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
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