Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize