He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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