New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
