If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
