I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
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