I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Randomize
