Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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