I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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