How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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