I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
My dick has a subreddit
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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