I will die if light touches me.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
These 23 People Share the Worst Advice They’ve Been Given
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.