K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
23 People Reveal The Worst Culture Shock They’ve Ever Experienced While Traveling
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
27 People Confess Their Proudest Fap
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.