But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
