in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
My vagina is officially offended.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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