I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
These 23 People Had Crazy Sex With Complete Strangers
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
23 Medical Examiners Reveal The Most Disturbing Causes Of Death They’ve Seen
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar