I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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