No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Someone signed my nipple.
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