i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree