i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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