highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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